My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
