I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
