whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
