dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
