I think I died a long time ago.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
