Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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