Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
