It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize