You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
