Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
