You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
