just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
