I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
It's blow job season.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
