My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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