Buhtt sex?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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