somebody snuck up and got me drunk
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
