Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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