I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
