We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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