ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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