Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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