The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
