theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
