Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
