***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
