listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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