Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
