OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
