They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize