Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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