I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
