im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
