Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
