Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
