Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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