her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
