So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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