i was rollin on her like bob the builder
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
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