Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ๐๐
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Titoโs?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize