my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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