I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
