i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Why is your signature on my underwear?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize