Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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