A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
