Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
