Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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