i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
