Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
