Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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