Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
