I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
