Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
