idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
