wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
