I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
