I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
