She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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