I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
