Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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