Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
