im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
