I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize