Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
