Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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