Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
