so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
