grandma shit on top of the toilet
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
