in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Randomize
