Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
