Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
