I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize