Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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