check it out our google latitudes are spooning
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
