Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize
