I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize