Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
