so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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