he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
