maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
he shaved USA in his pubs
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
