So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
