saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
North Korea, Best Korea!
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
