I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
