He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
