Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
