I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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