Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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