I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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