oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
