Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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