I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
