textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
